I hope everyone home with their children during our collective COVID-19 home isolation, is taking this opportunity to really connect with them.
I can imagine how challenging it is. I stayed home with my children for 14 years. I was ‘on’ 24-7. Of course, it was a choice to stay home with them. I wasn’t attempting to balance a career and educate my children while also managing a home—while being mostly confined to that home.
It helps, I think, to express gratitude. Our children are nothing short of a miracle. We are so fortunate to be parenting our offspring. It’s critical to remind ourselves of this, particularly in this time of stress and uncertainty. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to stress. Even if all you can be grateful for is that you all made it through the day in one piece. It isn’t time to judge ourselves, but I do believe it’s a time to slow down. And even express gratitude for that opportunity.
It’s equally important to set clear boundaries with ourselves, with our partners (if we have them), and with our children, as well. We absolutely need to practice self care. I keep seeing these messages on Facebook, and I hope everyone is taking them to heart— be gentle with yourself. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. It’s not time to beat ourselves up.
Remember that our children learn primarily through modeling. The old saying “do as I say, not as I do” is so powerful because one of our primary modes of learning is through observation. When you set clear boundaries, when you practice self care, you are modeling those skills for your child. You are giving them permission to do the same. When you acknowledge and own your mistakes, you are teaching them how to do the same and practice responsibility for their own life.
In a fast-paced world, our children need more down-time, opportunities to be bored, and time to reflect and explore. So if you find that your child is wanting to fill that void with video games and copious amounts of screen viewing, I encourage you to set some limits, if you can. And on days when you can’t—jump all in. Maybe you’ll find something new that you had never seen before, or learn more about the world around us.
It’s so incredibly challenging. I know. When I suggest limiting screen time, I don’t do so lightly. I certainly am not intending to shame anyone whose child has spent more time on screens than off over the past weeks. However, what our children, what we need now is a chance to re-set, maybe pull away from those screens just a bit to connect with ourselves and each other.
One way to do this is to create a list of suggestions—brainstorm a list. Think of unusual or atypical activities in which to engage as a family. Don’t worry about the logistics, as long as it’s something you can do at home. You’ll figure out how to make it happen when the time comes. There are endless suggestions floating around the internet, so I won’t even attempt to start a list here.
The truth is we are all conditioned for easy entertainment. I know I am. It’s all too easy to flop on the couch and flick through Netflix and be entertained by some show. It often requires much more inner fortitude to pick up that paintbrush, or even that book I’ve been meaning to read. Or my cross stitch project that I started a couple months ago, but haven’t looked at since our social isolation began.
This time is a wonderful opportunity to slow down enough so that your children can participate with you in the every day activities we usually just try to ‘get done’. Teach them how you prepare menus, grocery lists, and how to cook. Show them how you do laundry, mow the lawn, plant the garden. Let them help you repair that chair, paint that room, or balance the checkbook. Baking cookies, bread or muffins is awesome. But introduce those daily, mundane tasks too!
Take walks outside and marvel at the changes happening every day in nature around you. Spring is a glorious time to behold the wonder and miracle of the natural world of which we are a part. Model for your child how to observe nature. Marvel at their observations.
In addition to homeschooling my children, we had a family bed when they were young. Frankly it was just easier to nurse in the middle of the night. I spent some time recalling those early years. I genuinely miss those days. It’s funny how so much of parenting revolves around grieving the loss of your child at each developmental stage.
But that is what we sign up for.
In those days I didn’t get the best sleep and I often woke up to accidental smacks in the face, or kicks in the bladder. But I also woke up to tiny gentle hands on my cheek, or soft toddler kisses. Or the fairy-like voice of my children singing.
One morning, when Erica was about two, I could feel her move around and then stand in the bed. Still half asleep, I continued resting, but heard her opening the blind. “What is that?” She asked. I groggily sat up and peered, squinty-eyed, out the window. I saw a perfectly full, rich, yellow moon hovering low in the indigo sky. It was a stunning sight, with the sun not quite risen in the east. I smiled at Erica and pulled her onto my lap. Giving her a hug and kiss, my mild annoyance at being awakened, before I was fully ready, gave way to deep contentment. I internally thanked her for bringing me that reminder of the beauty of the universe and I whispered in her perfectly sweet ear: “that’s the moon.”
The gentle ways in which my children’s wonder impacted me were nothing short of breathtaking, if I allowed them to be.
If we could be reminded to engage like this, I believe we would live in a much gentler world.
I’d love to hear from you. How have you seen the world differently in the past weeks, while looking through the eyes of your child?
Peripheral View 