I have spent a good portion of my life resisting my reality. I wanted to be so many other people. I wanted to have so many different options. Certainly thought I would have traveled alternate paths.
I wanted Mr. Rogers to be my dad. Or Robin Williams.
And Oprah Winfrey to be my mom. Or Carol Burnett.
Either a set of parents who listened and were good communicators, or parents who had an excellent sense of humor.
I have longed for people to show up for me in the way that I felt I was showing up for them. Or at the very least in the way I needed.
Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn’t.
Through it all, one thing I’ve learned is to show up for myself.
The way to do that is through radical acceptance.
I’ve learned that the path to acceptance begins by fully accepting our current reality without trying to fix or change it.
So that’s easy.
😑
We tend to cling to our ideal about what should be, and then when reality doesn’t measure up, we immediately move into problem-solving mode. Sometimes that involves attempting to change another person or a fruitless effort to change some, often unchangeable, part of ourselves.
We skip over any acknowledgment of our feelings. We move directly into altering the problem as we see it.
When looked at from another perspective— when a friend experiences a sad or traumatizing event, we would typically comfort that person. We might console and honor their sadness. If we are truly listening to that friend, we wouldn’t immediately push them toward a solution. We intuitively understand that the feelings are what matters. They are relevant. The ability to fully accept and process those feelings is a critical first step.
Sadly, we don’t often do this for ourselves.
The ability to see my life through an accurate lens is often elusive. But I recognize the pain in rejection, the challenges I face when I reject my reality, specifically my own, legitimate feelings.
Perception is everything.
We have very little power over most of our lives, with the notable exception of our feelings and behavior. Emotions arise, but often are drown out and replaced with reactions. Our behaviors are often so reactive that they don’t fully align with our intrinsic values. Those values include, ostensibly, an acknowledgment of our feelings.
There are likely many books written on this topic, but I have been reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, and her words resonate powerfully. Radical acceptance is not always easy, but it is the first step toward true healing. It’s the first step toward empowerment. It is the first step toward building a life that works.
And, given the prolific profiles, I can still glean nuggets of wisdom from my ‘dream’ parents.
Peripheral View 